I really thought that by the time I’d turned 50, the bullshit games that people play when dating would finally be over with. I’m not talking about the games that are essentially a dance that goes back and forth like a volley. A little flirting, a little pulling back, a little testing. I’m talking about the all out mind-fucks that some people do.
Ken, a male friend of mine, is good looking single guy in his early 60’s. He and Patricia, one of the gals in our group of friends, seemed to become completely infatuated with each other nearly overnight. Most of us are aware of the dangers of dating within a group of friends, so none of us saw it coming. Heck they’d known each other for 9 months or so and hadn’t shown any interest in each other until recently. Now…they were full-on in a relationship. Well, they were full on for about 6 weeks anyway.
A week ago, they returned from a group vacation (I wasn’t able to go) where their PDA was nearly uncomfortable for the rest of the group. But as I got ready to go to a party, in between putting makeup on I was taking texts about how Ken hadn’t heard from Patricia all day. She wasn’t returning his calls or his texts, and now he was sure she’d turned off her phone.
First, I’m going to take this from the angle that he wasn’t acting like a psycho boyfriend AND that she is able to communicate by phone or text during the day. I’m pretty sure that both of these are true.
That said…why do people do this? We’ve all been through it where a person we really like decides they are just not into us. It sucks, but it sucks worse when the person doesn’t have the balls to give us a call or drop us a note to tell us so. More than once I’ve heard a friend say “they should just get a hint.” Well, no, people don’t get a hint. If they care about you, they go over whether something has happened to you. They try & stay rational, but volley back & forth between being hurt & angry.
Pick up the damn phone! If this person was significant enough for you to date (and likely you were sleeping with them), then they deserve at the very least a phone call telling them “I need space”, “This isn’t working”, “I have a busy day” or whatever else is the case.
It is selfish & self centered to leave that person guessing. I felt bad for Ken as he was hurting enough that his calls weren’t being returned. But on top of that, we had a big event as a group and he didn’t want to go because he wasn’t sure if he’d run into her and what the reception would be like. “I don’t know where I stand.”
Everyone deserves better than that. No one should have to “guess” what is going on. No one should have to read minds to figure out why you’ve disappeared. Step up, be a grown man (or woman) and be courteous. People’s emotions are not yours to toy with.