I started this blog to get back in touch with the voice inside me. I have long written journals, but for the past several years, I’ve written very little (I have 40 journals filled with my life, so no writing much is an anomaly for me). Part of my writers block is due to losing touch with my voice. The other part is from being overwhelmed by the conversations in my head. That’s why I write. For some reason, if I can get them out of my head and on to a piece of paper, I’m able to find peace and let the conversation (or argument) with myself go.
Today alone I’m battling my laptop woes (blue screen indicating my 3rd hard drive in 6 months is failing). I’ve already started the argument with Best Buy regarding why they need to replace a 14 month old laptop (out of warranty 2 months). I’m debating whether to drive to Kansas City & back today to deal with the computer issues, then back up tomorrow on the motorcycle to enjoy a pre 4th of July ride with girlfriends. There’s the stress of not being able to work & build on my business as long as this computer issue prevails. I have stress wondering how it is I can work on a computer all day and feel like I’ve accomplished nothing when in fact I’ve been working from 8am – 11pm. Facebook is a constant reminder of my exes new daughter-in-law and the drama she brings to the family. I’ve got to have his back (which will involve legal maneuvers such as making sure family assets go into a trust as she has not even tried to disguise her desire to get her hands on these things). There’s my own struggle with food versus working out & losing weight with stress getting in the way of my goal. Besides the vanity issues of weight loss, I’m having health affects which scare me. I may be turning 50, but I still consider that too young to have the heel, hip, & back pain that I do. The latter is definitely a residual from my motorcycle accident, but how to separate that out? My weight is not making the situation better.
Well, I must be finding that voice again as I do feel better just finding these words on paper. It also helps to realize that I do have quite a bit going on right now. To be sure, my life has never been a dull moment. I’ve never said “same ol same ol.” But sometimes I too need a break.